Musing Archive
The Lovers
The Lovers always seems like a sexy card - clients often assume that when this
card pops up they are going to see some hot and saucy times.  But's
not quite like that.  It’s really about making choices – specifically, making choices in
relationships.  Again, I’m not just taking about picking which lovely gets to be your
next squeeze - there are all sorts of relationships, right?  There are relationships
with lovers, yes, but also you’re your children, with employers, with clients, with
neighbors, mentors, students, etc.  There are people we have to be around and
there are people we chose to be around.  The Lovers speaks to the choices you
make all of your relationships.

Have you ever noticed that some people (some relationships) make us feel really
good, and then when we are around other folks we feel small or anxious?  See,
relationships aren't just about who we get to be with, but more importantly, who we
get to be.  Different people bring out different aspects and qualities in us, so why
not choose the relationships that foster our highest, happiest potential?  Choose
to spend time with the folks who let you be the best you.  And in those
relationships that don’t make you feel yummy – ask yourself why.  Do you need to
renegotiate terms of engagement?  Do you need to ask for more? Less?  Do you
need to step up?  Step back?  Do you need to value yourself more?  Or, could you
do more to appreciate your partner's point of view?  Since you are the only one
you can change, start there.  Identify what is lacking and determine what you can
do to make it right.  Sometimes it's speaking your truth and asking for more,
sometimes it's owning your responsibility and being a better partner.

The highest internal qualities associated with this card include:
Clarity, commitment to direct communication, spirit of co-operation, team ethic.
The external events associated with this card include:
First dates, "The Talk", job interviews, job reviews, proposals, re-negotiations.
The advice offered by this card:
Your happiness is not their responsibility,  it is yours.  
Communicate directly, listen consciously, ask for what you want, be willing to apologize.  
Weigh your needs against the needs of another, try to find a balance.  Work together to
find win-win solutions.
The Tarot can be a powerful tool for transformation.  
When working with the Tarot, rather than expecting predictions,
explore opportunities for growth.  Predictions keep you passive.  
Instead, consider working actively with the qualities and concepts
associated with each card, taking responsibility for your own
From the Zerner Farber Tarot
Mantras for The Lovers:

What I want, wants me.

I speak, I listen, I find common ground.

I am the best person for the job.

I choose relationships that reflect my great value.

It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
~J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets

What you have become is the price you paid to get what you used to want.  
~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

If you judge people, you have no time to love them.
~Mother Teresa

Where love rules, there is no will to power, and where power predominates, love is lacking.  The
one is the shadow of the other.
~Carl Jung, On the Psychology of the Unconciousness

They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor
~Benjamin Franklin
The Lovers in literature and philosophy....
From the Old English Tarot
From the PapusTarot